How to avoid bridesmaid Drama

Those standing with you at the ceremony of your wedding should be those closest to you and have supported you during the wedding planning process. However, too often I hear of brides having drama with their bridesmaids!  Here are five tips to prevent it from happening in the first place.


Make Clear The Bridesmaid Role From The Beginning

Controversy comes when you expect something from someone and they don’t come through.  Ask your bridesmaids to be there for you on your biggest day in the most creative way you can, but shortly thereafter tell them what you expect from them and what they can expect from you.  This can be sent in a group email with everyone’s important information.  Do you expect the bridesmaids to pay for their dresses and you pay for their makeup? Do you want them to attend all of your bridal showers? You don’t need to make it as harsh as, “I expect this from you now that you’ve said yes”, but rather it can be, “Thanks for being one of those closest to me on my big day! I love that you are with me through this process and I want everything to be clear before we begin.”


Set A Good Precedent Early

Another way to curb snotty attitudes is to make it clear at the beginning (like in that email mentioned above) that negative behavior will not be tolerated.  You may not be able to be as assertive in person as you would like, but simply writing it down will make sure that you can say that’s the kind of behavior you expect from your bridesmaids.  A simple line such as, “I expect us all to be kind to each other and encouraging, and if there are any problems they should be resolved without anger or hostility.  Let’s work together to make this a great experience for us all!”


Practice Assertive (Not Aggressive) Behavior

We teach others how to treat us.  For example, if you always let that person at work make fun of your height, it sends the message that you are ok with being made fun of and do not stand up for yourself.  If you have trouble confronting people, practice small assertiveness, such as that comment hurt your feelings.  Putting that attitude into practice allows for you to stand up for yourself and others when the stakes are high, such as one bridesmaid is refusing to get along.


Keep Everyone In The Loop

Trouble also arises when the bride fails to communicate. Yes, you are super busy planning this wonderful fanfare, but that is not an excuse to avoid proper communication. There are lots of ways to keep in touch. Send out a group text or facebook message whenever something pertinent happens. Send out a monthly or bi-weekly email with updates and important times or dates so they can look back on it if they forget. Set a reminder on your phone to send out information.  Have your maid of honor keep up with keeping the others involved. By setting clear boundaries at the beginning and keeping that line of communication open, you will prevent many headaches with your bridesmaids.


Show Your Appreciation

A single thank you gift is lovely, but words matter.  Romans 12:10 says, “Love one another with brotherly affection. Outdo one another in showing honor.” Be a gracious bride!  If your bridesmaids feel like they are being ignored or taken advantage of, they are more likely to show it in negative ways.  If they feel valued, they are much more likely to behave accordingly.  A simple text saying, “I so appreciate you helping me with this!” or a phone call telling them how grateful you are for their friendship will go a long way.


In a later post we will discuss ways to deal with bridesmaid drama, but hopefully you will be able to avoid it in the first place! I hope as you plan your wedding you are able to keep peace between you and your girls, ensuring that they are still your friends long after the wedding!