In an earlier Tip Thursday post, we discussed how to avoid bridesmaid drama and prevent problems from occurring. When conflict does arise, how is a good bride to handle herself with a difficult friend?  Check out these simple tips to handling situations with class and those “bridesmaid-zillas”!


Understand Bridesmaid-zilla’s Wedding Experience

Is this her first time as a bridesmaid?  It certainly is possible that she just doesn’t understand proper etiquette of weddings or know how the process works. This can be easily prevented by clearly laying out what is expected of her when you ask her to be by your side.  If something comes up that wasn’t covered early, sit down and talk to her about it.  Bridesmaidzilla (BMZ) may be complaining about the dress because she is feeling financial pressure, or like she can’t keep up.  BMZ might have just gone through a difficult break-up and inadvertently taking it out on you.  Be an understanding bride, compassionate and listening to the issues she is having.  After figuring that out, let her know how her behavior is affecting you and what would make the experience enjoyable for everyone involved.


Accept Advice (Good Or Bad) With Poise

That one bridesmaid you have that just got married should be someone who has great advice, but what happens when everything she says is absolute? “You can’t walk down the aisle with your mother, it would never have been allowed at my wedding”, or “You have to have a garter toss, mine was wonderful!” Gracefully accept these quips of advice, as this is probably coming from a place of wanting the best for you. If you disregard something she did at her wedding, BMZ could be interpreting that as judgement on her special day, so be careful with how you respond.  This is your wedding, so if you want to walk down the aisle backwards it is your prerogative, so be confident in the decisions you make and don’t feel like you have to entertain ideas you don’t agree with.


When Bridesmaids Fight

When you get a group of people together, it certainly increases the chances that problems will arise.  Your bridesmaids will disagree about things.  When that escalates to fighting amongst themselves, understand that their loyalty is to you, the bride, and not each other.  Your best childhood friend and your fiance’s sister may have nothing in common and may be so wrapped up in the excitement of the wedding that they lose sight of what is important. You as the bride need to be the mediator. Tell them individually what they mean to you, and look for a common goal, i.e., you getting married and having a good time doing it.  Getting them on common ground with you and each other will help the situation and make for a cohesive bridal party.


When To Ask A Bridesmaid To Step Down

This is not an easy topic to discuss. You carefully picked those who would stand with you on your wedding day and alas, one of them has gone off the deep end. She may be continually causing problems with the other bridesmaids, being inappropriate at events, or unreliable and flakey.  Before you kick her out of the bridal party, sit down with her and have an honest discussion about what is going on that you are finding fault with.  Don’t condescend or criticize, but rather talk with her about how her behavior is affecting you and how you can help her make the process enjoyable for everyone.  If after this conversation she changes her ways, awesome!  If she does not agree to do what you asked (see the previous post on preventing bridesmaid drama) then you can talk about why it may not be a good fit for you both to have her as a bridesmaid.  She may just not be able to do it at this time.  This may mean you have to have some hard discussions, but think about what is best long term for your friendship and how you both will view your wedding.


What do you think? Any ideas on how to deal with BridesMaidZilla? I’d love to hear your thoughts!